What Am I Saying To Myself?

It's been a long time since I have sat at the keyboard to type my thoughts. 

A lot has changed. 

Much has not. 

One thing I am still very aware of is my need for God's love. He gives me hope, direction, correction, encouragement, and grace. Oh, so much grace. Why can't I give myself as much? 

My friend, James, says to be careful what you say to yourself because yours is the voice you hear most! Too true. 

So what am I saying to myself today? The list so far just this morning is abominable. How can I change that? Where do I even start? One comment at a time. Over time, it will change. I have proof!!! (Here comes the story....)

When my kids were younger, dinner time was a great way to get into their heads and discover what they were dealing with. We could find out what their days were like, what they were stressing over, all the intricate mini adult thoughts. After a while, we noticed that the predominant responses were on the negative side of things. 

"How was your day, Colton? Did you get to do anything fun?"

"Well, I can't tell you if I did anything fun but I can tell you that there were a lot of bad things. My friend hit my ball into the area where I'm not supposed to play and when I went to get it, the teacher yelled at me for going where I wasn't supposed to."

From there, it was all downhill. Each kid would chime in and whine about their day. Being the positively minded person that I am, I couldn't stand it. How are they to see the good in life if all they look for is the bad? 

My mom would get tired of the negative responses, too. She would make us say 5 good things for everyone 1 bad thing. That stopped me most of the time. My family started doing "Favorite Part Of The Day." Each time we had dinner together at the table, one of us would ask someone else, "What was your favorite part of the day?" The first few times were hilarious because Colton would sit there and think and think and think... kind of like Pooh Bear... and when he finally answered, it was to say, "I can't think of anything good but I can tell you 5 things that were bad." We would all howl and then tell him that he HAD to come up with something good.

Each of us would take a turn telling about what we enjoyed most that day and when we finished, we would pick the next person to answer. Sometimes there was a lot of pondering. Other times we had to tell someone to narrow it down to 3 things. There was even the occasional, "Right now (eating dinner with the family) because my day was pretty sucky," at which point some one would usually try to help them remember something good in their day. 

Believe it or not, it worked! Over time, it has become something we love to do at dinner. The kids will try to be the first one to ask someone what their favorite part of the day was. We've shared it with others who have joined us for dinner. It's pretty funny to watch an adult's face contort in an effort to focus on the positive of their day. Often, much laughter ensues..... which was the point in the first place: to put the focus on the uplifting, not the defeating parts of our lives.

Then the other night, after a long tough week, Scott piped up first. "So, we've had a rough couple days. I'm pretty burned out. Just for fun, let's share one of the worst things we've had to deal with today." 

"What!?" I wasn't so sure about this point of action. 

Scott answered first with what was most difficult for him that day. We all felt his pain. Then, I went... it had been a terribly frustrating day. Then I picked Colton. I expected an immediate flurry of 5 to 10 "horrible" things he had dealt with that day. He gave us a funny look and then said in a rather befuddled tone, "I really can't come up with anything bad. I can't even think of something!"

For a minute, we all looked around at each other. As if being lead by a conductor, we all erupted simultaneously in deep laughter. None of us could believe it! We had trained the negative focus right out of him.

We skipped next to Sierra or Kayla, but neither of them could come up with bad stuff either. All of us just laughed. We could see the change. We all realized that what had been shared by us parents really wasn't all that bad either. What a moment of triumph I felt. 

So, can I change the whispers in my head? Can I edit what I say to myself each day? I can. It WILL take time. It WILL take painful, conscious effort. But it WILL happen. 

What am I saying to myself? It should be something encouraging and true. If I can't come up with anything on my own, I know a God who loves me and has said many beautiful and positive things about me in His Word. I'll just have to adopt some of those.