Accepting Me

I am on an interesting journey of late, one that is painful and real and exciting all at the same time. The idea that my self is something to be cared for and protected is not foreign but very overlooked. The acceptance of me as I am is a terrifying thought. The act of positive self talk is difficult, more than it should be. Even in writing this, I realize I am thinking about myself as less than I should be; as not making the grade. Not True!!

A long time ago, I went through a Beth Moore study that told us to make a special card to remind ourselves of a few things we could believe whole heartedly. 

"God is who He says He is. 
God can do what He says He can do. 
I am who God says I am. 
I can do all things through Christ. 
God’s Word is alive and active in me."

I have not forgotten it (although I may get the order wrong :)). It reminds me of the simple truths that I should believe and live out. I am loved and wanted the way that I am, not the way I think I should be. If I were the perfect human, what difference could I make with those around me? When I think about it, those that have had the most impact on me are those who have been the most "human" of any person I know. Faults, shortcomings, painful transformation, humility, transparency, and love are the things that I am drawn to because they show me that I am not alone and I am worth much just as I am.

I've been reading thru Matthew and rediscovering some of the parables I heard as a child growing up in the church. Now that I am grown (harumph!) the stories take on new and deeper meaning. Today it was the parable of the yeast. 

If you know me, I LOVE to bake. Yeast is a huge part of baking. It can change the taste, consistency, aroma, and structure of the ingredients around it. Only a very small amount is needed to affect everything mixed with it. In its small and seemingly insignificant form, yeast can transform a rather significant amount around it. It is a powerful substance of change that effects all that comes in contact with it. Flour, on its own, will not change, grow, or become useful but with the presence of yeast, it can become something amazing. It can become something nourishing. It can fill the air with a pleasant aroma. It can change its surroundings... just by being itself and lending itself to the process of change. Through that, yeast can make that which is surrounding it change.  

The flour doesn't need to become yeast. It has value in being itself but without yeast, it could not change. Yeast must be first in allowing change to start. It must let the water soak it. It must let the heat warm it. (If I were super christian-cheesy I'd now tell you that Jesus is the Living Water as He is also the Light of the world... but I won't do that.)

Being myself is torture sometimes. Change isn't much better. Being different or the minority can be so lonely and uncomfortable, but if yeast tried to be flour..... yuck. I'm pretty sure that most people would prefer fresh bread to paper mache for nourishment. 

Allowing God to be "active" in me, the way I am, the way He made me, means that it is important that I am me. I am who God says I am... not someone else. The only change I should invite should be that which God brings. Never easy, but always worth it.

So I will keep going... as myself. As silly as I may feel, as annoying as I may think I am, I must be me because that is what is Beautiful to God. Being the creation He made me to be, different as that feels, is just what He loves. I want to see the beauty like He does. So I will keep working to be okay in my own skin for that is as it should be.