Choose Your Focus

My daughter sounded concerned about a friend who was posting what seemed to her to be a bit weird. I told her to send me one of the posts and then we could talk about it. Great mom-move, right? I was expecting to read some super cult jargon and procedures for scary rituals. What I got, however, was a spiritual check.

The post was simply "super churchy" as I described it. Her friend was sharing a unique way of believing in God and following His way. Even saying that (His "way") makes me cringe a bit because it sounds churchy. But why does that bother me? I grew up with the Psalms-like romantic view of God and His working in my life and I still feel that way now but I shut it down.

I have always wanted my kids to know God in that deep, "God is everything to me" way but I worry that I have not done well. Hearing my daughter's take on this post felt like confirmation of my failure. 

This interaction was still fresh in my mind when I started my quiet time the other morning. So, as usual, I prayed that I would hear whatever God had for me that day and help me put it into action, albeit with a bit more desperation. He always brings something out of the scripture for me but today He aimed it directly at the struggle I was focused on.

Proverbs 23:26-35... it's a big chunk when usually I am consumed by only a verse or two. It started with, "My son/daughter, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways." I started to see that in light of Him talking to me about my kids as if saying, "they are now old enough that THEY have to chose me. Your influence on their choices is lessening." 

"Well, that's that," I thought. "That takes the weight of me. There's nothing I can do now." HAH

I don't know how to describe how God "interrupted" that thought but He did. It was like He severed that line of thinking before it could continue by saying, "This is Me talking about YOU!" What a stinging response. 

I read the verse again and thought about how I could give Him my heart and keep my eyes on His ways. I again stuttered in my thoughts over the word "ways." Why does that hold such a negative stigma for me? I'm not supposed to worry about sounding "relevant" or non-churchy. What am I supposed to worry about... oh... that's the wrong word/action (God is not a fan of worrying). 

Focus... That's the word. So what should I focus on? Focus on God. Make that choice everyday. Every day.

As I kept reading, the concept of where I chose to focus each day was prevalent and weighty. The author of the passage gave numerous examples of how dialing in to the wrong thing can lead you down a well with no bottom. It might look nice from above but it can drown the soul if you jump in.

"What takes my focus away from God's way?" Again, that word. What's the human definition, I wondered. 

WAY

noun

1. A road, path, or highway affording passage from one place to another.
2. An opening affording passage.
3. Space to proceed.

It's a noun. It is a thing I am to use to move forward. Ok, so religiosity has ruined it for me by making it a concept to be attained. It's not. It's a path, a focus, a choice in direction. That helps a bit. (moving on....)

So what does take my eyes off focus on God? I wrote my list out... rather painful and humiliating to admit some of them.

1. Judging others - when I look at what others are doing and think about how they should be doing it, as my way was the only way. 

2. My drive to the "right" thing - and how do I know what that is? Am I never wrong? HAH

3. My worry for my kids - duh. That's all consuming for a mom.

4. My preoccupation with imperfection - wanting so much to be infallible and self-sufficient.

5. My perceived expectations - that's almost an oxymoron. How could I ever know what another expects of me. Sounds a bit more like what I expect of myself but don't want to admit to.

All I get with these distractions (of which there are many more than 5!!) is a spinning head - vs. 34. No really! That's what it says. "You will be like one sleeping on the high seas...." Ever been seasick? 

So I looked at these five thought consumers and tried to counter each as an exercise in getting myself refocused on the direction I wish to chose.

1. "Work on yourself. It's a full-time job," (a variation of a saying from one of our favorite elementary teachers). Stop looking at others. You've got enough crap of your own to take up all of your time.

2. Don't be afraid to be wrong... with gusto! You are striving to learn, to grow in wisdom, not to be right.

3. Focus on God so that your kids can see that and emulate that instead of falling into the same trap of low self-confidence. My confidence should be from and in God and I hope they will do the same - not find their confidence in me.

4. Strive to do well for God. He tends to choose the most messed up people. Don't believe me? Read the Bible! Some of the greatest heroes were just the worst but they were willing to refocus on God's way so He put them to work. If I want to be used by God, why wouldn't I want to be super messed up so He chooses me? 

5. Get over yourself. You are not all that. The world's survival doesn't hinge on you doing what you think is expected. Why are you worried about what others think anyway? Avoiding saying things like "God's Way" doesn't make you less attractive to others if you are being who you truly are. And being YOU is what God wants. 

Now I am left with the choice of what/Who to focus on each day. I am responsible for focusing on God. That's it. He will help remind me of the above (plus many more) distractions and how to check myself. God knows, I don't want Him to have to check me. Ouch. I know this will be a LONG process (basically finishing when I die) but that's why I need to choose everyday. Every Day!