The Doubt Box

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Okay, so I'm on a "God in the box" kick. I've been doing Beth Moore's study on Believing God and it seems to be the one thing that gets me tripped up most. If I could live without putting God in my little doubt box He could do so much more with me. If my faith were as strong as my doubt... wow, that'd be amazing!

"Let me 'splain. No, there is too much. Lemme sum up." HAH! (dork) I feel like I'm at an edge, kind of like Switchfoot sings. "I'm standing on the edge of me. Standing on the edge of everything I've never been before." It's weird but I don't think I've ever been so close to actually punching through past the edge. I know that anything God can do with my life would be better than I could ever do on my own but somehow I'm afraid that I won't like what He does or where He puts me. Like He knows what's best but won't necessarily do what I would be happy with.

But what amazing person could I be if I would just let Him control everything?! If I would invest my heart in Him and our relationship, what could He do with me? I believe He can do anything. I believe He can use even me. I believe relentlessly but guardedly. Maybe that means I'm not relentless... I don't know. I can believe, it seems only for a moment, that He is uncontainable but the next moment my doubt puts Him back in a box. "He can do it, but...."

I hate that box. I dislike any restraint we may put on Him. I am surrounded by them... obligation, desires, expectations... which makes it all the harder to shut the world up and say, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." But I guess, that is what makes Him love us so much.

Our efforts are finite and our lives are full of loyalty-spikes. I guess one way of looking at the doubt box is that I don't just choose God once and am done with it. I choose Him over and over. I may not be steadfast but at least I'm consistently relentless in my pursuit to show Him my love and belief.

Comments

jennylou said…
K,my reply is too long so it is on my blog. :)
4:03 PM
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